Once again

Hi.

Sometimes I realise.

When I sit at the corner of the room, or even when I'm alone on the couch or when I'm surrounded by people.

I'm lonely.

Like literally, lonely.

What I do all day:

Bathe

Social Media

Homework

But by social media, I mean youtube, instagram, facebook and twitter. We don't neccessarily communicate there, it's like a scroll-and-go kind of thing. Most of the time, I'm just at home looking at other people on the internet. It's ironic how I'm always surrounded by people, and my friends say I somehow make them laugh. But well, when it comes down to it, I'm just one heck of a lonely dudette who enjoys company with people. Like, people act differently infront of different people. 

Most of the time.

But frankly speaking, I'm not really "surrounded" by people, just by afew people. I don't know when this happened, but for now, I know I'm alone. I have nobody to talk to, and really, I can't tell this to my bestfriend. What if she judges me and stuff? I bet she wouldn't but I just don't have the confidence to express my feelings. Tell her she's putting misters before sisters, tell her about what I'm feeling inside.

It's like even if I have friends, I feel alone. Even in my family excluding my grandma and grandpa (I love those dudes although they may be alittle annoying).

I don't know when I had start thinking about all of these things and start realizing various things. But I just did.

I can tell that my mum likes my brother better. It's like every single time, she'll just be infront, walking with my brother and I'll be behind, fiddling with my phone (social media) and listening to music. It's like something I expect when we go out as a "family". I'm always a step behind them.

Sometimes I wonder, when will I stop thinking negatively? I guess never. I guess it's part of growing. I guess boyfriends are more important than friends. 

Social media.

People used to make arrangements face to face, but now, everybody's sending text messages. Confessions becomes little messages and calls you receive. Love doesn't feel the same like the old days.

I wish someday, I'll be happy again. i'll find my Park. Someday.